Gimme Your Number, I’ll Call
Adam just left my house. (Ed.- He had when I started this post one million years ago, now he’s gone. It was early. Get it?) I was a stop-over on his way to a stop-over in his home town, on his way to something awesome somewhere else, because I offered and I have AC. I think I have been downplaying this a bit by not at all mentioning it for the sake of the narrative thread, but Adam has been sleeping over almost every night since last Friday (Ed.- That’s two Fridays ago. Jeez!) , when I took him home with me on Saturday. On Friday he took me out to dinner at Fancy Pizza, and because he is sober, the end of our date was like it was on television. He stood in front of my house and extended his pinky at me, and said “I had a nice time.”
The first time I saw Adam was at an open mic. I had just started, and was beginning to feel like the hot substitute teacher: No one takes you seriously and everyone masturbates to you, yet you have a thankless job to do. Back then it seemed that, in contrast to the New York most everyone else lived in, being perceived as cool in the stand-up scene was not priority but a handicap. You just had to lay low and hope that none of the seething pariahs noticed you brushing your teeth with toothpaste and not Orc blood or whatever. Not everyone was a self-hating “outcast,” just the ones who seemed to be running things. Then Adam, six-foot-tall surfer-looking dude with Hellenic features took the mic and started talking about magic mushrooms– and people shut up. Not only was he not a hateful malajust, but he had swagger. You know that scene in Wayne’s World where Mike Myers sees Tia Carrerre onstage for the first time and she’s rocking super hard but in his mind’s eye “Dream Weaver” is playing? Seeing Adam for the first time was like that, except it was this song:
The Hood Internet - Some Cut Like A Knife (Trillville x The Knife) by hoodinternet
People shut up, I realized, because he’s sorta a big deal. He’s been on TV, is doing comedy semi-professionally, etc. People in that echelon of semi-success usually have a more pleasant disposition than everyone else that populates the underbelly of stand-up, but they’re still intimidating, especially when they are über-hot.
By the time I booked him for my show, I was already trudging through the Dramantic Comedy of dating Colin, who, by virtue of his membership in my improv team, was at the show. When Adam facebook-asked me out the next day, I briefly wondered whether it would upset Colin, and then, because I hoped it would, accepted. Besides, it was just one date. Cut to Melissa Rivers on the red carpet interviewing the aforementioned last words about their Zac Posen gown. GET IT BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMOUS.
