Listen Here, Young Lady.
My last boyfriend moved to LA a couple months ago. We dated for about a year and though my mom usually reserves judgement on guys I date so that she can talk shit about them when they inevitably peace, she really unabashedly adored Kyle. I did not, at least not unabashedly. There was actually quite a lot of bashed happening. Still, when we broke up I was worried that I might encounter the dreaded “how could you let him get away” reaction that fucks people up so bad. When she had no reaction at all, I prodded and whined at her until she cut me off and said “Honey! It’s me. Come on. Chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out.” It was with this exchange in mind that I told my mom last night all about the Colin/ Adam situation. Guys, having your mom tell you that a dude is JNTIY might sound like the worst thing in the world, but it’s really not that bad. In her words: “He said he just wants to be friends, how could he have been more clear? Also, you didn’t really like him, you just wanted him to like you. This feeling is universal.”
Why is it that when you hear your mom say something that makes it truer than when it’s proven true by science, testimony and also experience? Things with Colin have been fine since we “broke up,” albeit sexually tense. But lets be real, I have sexual tension with my sock monkey (he’s got amazing eyes). So me sitting around waiting for him to start regretting his decision to not want me is basically something I am doing to entertain myself and (hopefully) the readers of this post. Adam is like Mr. Darcy, and focusing my energy all on that would mean I’d have to stop wandering in the moors with my sisters feeling forlorn and poetic and worthy of a tumblr. It would mean I couldn’t stay until closing in Barnes and Noble reading the newest issue of New York Weddings and feeling very excellently unwed. It would mean I’d have to try to actually be happy, instead sneering at the happiness around me like I know better.
